Mother for the second time
Just a year ago, I was facing a blank page and a mountain of thoughts that I wanted to express in the first post on this blog. My main motivation was to share, and use the blog as a platform for reflection. Here I am again, even more motivated, if at all possible, because of everything you have brought me through this blog and because I am now the mother of a second daughter. Life has changed radically for me in these three years since meeting my companion on this journey… Sometimes I can’t even believe it myself. I AM A MOTHER.
I have to confess that I thought I would be able to manage the hormonal fluctuation better in this second postnatal period, but that hasn’t been the case. It engulfed me again. During pregnancy, these changes don’t take a hold of me; and nor do I gloat in the susceptibility or hypersensitivity entailed. I feel strong, bursting with energy and have an ability to keep things in perspective that I lose entirely in the postnatal period. It’s a real shame! I already experienced this whirlpool of uncontrolled emotions and feelings with my first daughter Manuela. I’m lucky that I can count on my partner and my sister, who best know how to deal with me, who have been my rocks of support again and managed to redirect me towards the light…I even repeated to myself: “They’re only hormones. Be patient, this too will pass”.
The difference between the first and second labor took me by surprise. The feeling is as powerful, but you deal with the emotions differently. In the first, the unfamiliarity of facing something new overwhelms you, while in the second, your awareness is heightened and —whilst being more present— you can take more enjoyment from this momentous event in your life. I had the opportunity to experience something marvelous and novel with my second daughter María. It was one of the most emotional experiences of my life: I held her against my breast, naked, in all her rawness, still covered in blood and wax, and still connected to me by the umbilical cord… I am moved as I write, remembering such a magical moment, discovering my daughter for the first time, looking at her face and not being able to hold back the tears. Allow me to take a breath and try to find the words to describe exactly how I felt…
It was an explosion of emotions, and time stood still.